Dear Parent-Teacher Conference,

I’m really struggling with my 15-year-old daughter’s phone use at home, and I can see it’s affecting her schoolwork. She says she needs her phone to “study” but I constantly catch her on social media, texting friends, or watching videos instead of doing homework. When I try to take the phone away, we have arguments and she claims I don’t understand that her phone is how she stays connected with friends and manages her anxiety. I know St. Vrain has guidelines for school hours, but I’m lost on how to handle this at home. How can I help her develop better focus and a healthier relationship with technology without constant battles?

– Disconnected in Dacono

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Dear Disconnected,

Your struggle reflects one of the most common challenges families face today, and you’re right to be concerned. Constant device switching fragments attention and makes deep learning nearly impossible. But you can help your daughter develop healthier technology habits without turning your home into a war zone.

Understand what you’re dealing with. What your daughter is experiencing isn’t necessarily “addiction” in the clinical sense, but rather a very real neurological response. Phones are designed to provide intermittent reinforcement through notifications and social interactions, which creates patterns similar to those seen with other rewarding behaviors. When teens use devices heavily, they can develop a genuine dependence for emotional regulation and social connection. This means simply taking the phone away doesn’t address the underlying need it’s filling.

Create boundaries that work. Complete phone removal typically backfires, leading to power struggles. Instead, try structured boundaries:

Establish “focus zones” for everyone. Designate specific homework times when all family members put devices in a central location, such as a basket in the kitchen or charging station. Frame this as creating an environment that supports everyone’s best thinking, not punishment. When parents participate too, teens cooperate better.

Use structured work intervals. The teenage brain needs regular breaks. Try the Pomodoro Technique: 25 minutes of focused work followed by a 5-minute phone break. Set a timer. When the break ends, the phone goes back. This satisfies her need for connection while protecting focus time.

Address what the phone provides. Your daughter said her phone helps her stay connected and manage anxiety. Take that seriously. If it’s her primary coping mechanism, she needs alternatives. Schedule regular face-to-face time with friends. Teach concrete anxiety management techniques such as deep breathing, journaling, physical movement. Have honest conversations about what she’s gaining and possibly missing.

Model the behavior. If you’re scrolling during dinner or checking your phone constantly, she’ll notice the double standard. Implement your own phone-free focus times and talk openly about managing technology distractions.

Minimize distractions. Silencing notifications can be a quick and easy way to reduce the pull of looking at the phone.

Start small and stay consistent. Don’t overhaul everything at once. Begin with one change, such as phone-free family dinners or a designated homework hour. Once that’s routine, add another boundary. Rewiring these patterns takes time. Expect initial resistance, but stay steady.

Collaborate, don’t dictate. When you’re both calm, work together to create a plan. Ask what she thinks would help her focus better. She’s more likely to follow rules she helped create.

Know when to get help. If battles continue or you notice signs of significant anxiety or depression around phone use, such as withdrawal from activities, sleep disruption, extreme reactions when separated from her phone, reach out to her school counselor or your family doctor.

Remember, the goal isn’t about eliminating technology, but about helping your daughter develop self-regulation skills for life. She lives in a world where technology is everywhere, and learning to manage it mindfully is essential. 

—Parent Teacher Conference

Dear Parent Teacher Conference,

My high school sophomore is smart and capable, but she’s constantly struggling to keep up with her schoolwork. She waits until the last minute to study for tests, then stays up until 2 a.m. cramming. She forgets about assignments until the night before they’re due, and her backpack is a disaster with crumpled papers everywhere, missing handouts, lost permission slips. I’ve tried reminding her to start earlier, but she insists she has it under control. Then test day comes and she’s stressed and underprepared. Her grades are suffering, and I can see her confidence taking a hit. She’s not lazy, but she just seems completely overwhelmed and has no system for managing it all. How can I help her develop better time management and organization skills before it’s too late?

– Frazzled in Firestone

Dear Frazzled,

You’ve identified something critical: your daughter isn’t lazy, she’s overwhelmed. That distinction matters because the solution isn’t about pushing harder, it’s about working smarter. The good news is that time management and organization are learnable skills, not innate talents. The challenge is that by high school, she needs to develop these systems herself, with your support rather than your control.

Understand what’s really happening. High school demands a level of executive function that many teens simply haven’t developed yet. The teenage brain is still building the neural pathways for planning, prioritizing, and self-regulation. Your daughter may be dealing with anxiety about starting tasks, perfectionism that makes her avoid work, or simply a lack of awareness about how long things actually take.

Help her break down the process. Many students struggle because they don’t know what “studying” actually means. Work with her to identify concrete strategies: making flashcards, rewriting notes in her own words, teaching material to someone else, doing practice problems, or creating study guides. Different subjects require different approaches.

Teach backwards planning. When she has a test coming up, help her work backwards from the test date. If the test is Friday, what needs to happen Thursday? Wednesday? Tuesday? This might look like: Monday—review chapter 1 notes, Tuesday—make flashcards, Wednesday—practice problems, Thursday—review everything. Write it down where she can see it.

Introduce tools that work for teens. A paper planner works for some students. Others need digital solutions such as phone reminders, Google Calendar, or productivity apps. Let her experiment to find what clicks. The key is checking it daily and actually using it. Start small: just track test dates and major assignments for two weeks, then build from there.

Create simple organization systems. Help her set up one folder or binder per class, a designated homework spot at home, and a weekly backpack cleanout routine. The system should be simple enough that she’ll actually maintain it.

Establish a study routine. Work with her to identify when she’s most alert and focused. Help her block out 30-45 minutes of focused study time daily. Make sure she has a consistent, relatively distraction-free place to work.

Address the procrastination. Often it’s about anxiety or not knowing where to start. Help her identify the smallest possible first step. Not “study for history test” but “open the textbook to chapter 7.” Starting is often the hardest part.

Leverage school resources. Encourage her to use teacher office hours or tutoring. St. Vrain high schools offer resources through counselors and academic advisors who can help students develop organizational strategies tailored to their needs.

Model without micromanaging. Share your own time management strategies, but resist doing it for her. Don’t check her planner or text reminders about every assignment. Natural consequences are powerful teachers, as long as they’re not catastrophic.

High school is rigorous, and the organizational demands are real. But with patience, the right tools, and your steady support, your daughter can learn to manage it all. She’s capable. She just needs to build the systems that work for her brain.

—Parent Teacher Conference

Dear Parent Teacher Conference,

My 12-year-old son just started middle school, and I’m watching him struggle in a way that breaks my heart. He’s always been on the quiet side, but now he comes home every day and goes straight to his room. When I ask about his day, he just shrugs. I’ve tried asking if he’s made any friends, and he says everyone already has their groups and he doesn’t know how to join in. He eats lunch alone and doesn’t talk to anyone between classes. I want to help him, but I don’t know what to do without making things worse or embarrassing him. How can I support my shy middle schooler in making friends?

– Lonely in Longmont

Dear Lonely,

Your instinct to help is exactly right, and your concern about not making things worse shows you understand something important: middle school friendships can’t be forced, and your son needs to learn these skills himself. But that doesn’t mean you’re powerless. There’s actually quite a bit you can do to support him from the sidelines.

First, know this: shy doesn’t mean broken. Some children are naturally more reserved, take longer to warm up to new people, and prefer smaller social circles. Your son may never be the kid with dozens of friends, and that’s okay. What matters is helping him build one or two meaningful connections with peers who share his interests.

Start with conversations, not solutions. Instead of “How was your day?” try more specific questions: “What did you do at lunch today?” or “Who do you sit next to in math?” Listen without immediately jumping in to fix things. When he does open up, resist the urge to say “Just go talk to someone!” – that feels dismissive to a child who genuinely finds that terrifying.

Focus on shared interests and activities outside the school day. Middle school social dynamics can be complex with friend groups solidifying quickly, that can make breaking in feel difficult. But activities create natural entry points. Friendships form more easily when kids share experiences repeatedly over time around a common interest.

Encourage your son to get involved in activities at school that happen outside of regular class time. St. Vrain middle schools offer many opportunities for students to join clubs or play sports – everything from robotics and art club to basketball and cross country. These activities give shy kids a built-in reason to interact with the same peers regularly, which makes conversation easier and friendships more likely to develop naturally.

Teach conversation skills explicitly. For shy kids, small talk doesn’t come naturally, it’s a skill that needs to be taught. Practice at home. Teach him how to ask open-ended questions: “What games do you play?” “What did you think of that assignment?” Role-play scenarios: What do you say when you want to join a conversation? This might feel awkward, but it gives him tools he can actually use.

Be patient with the timeline. Making friends won’t happen overnight. Progress might look like your son mentioning someone’s name once, or sitting near someone at lunch instead of alone. Celebrate these small wins without making a big deal out of them.

Check in on his emotional health. If your son’s isolation feels like more than shyness and if he seems genuinely depressed or anxious, talk to his school counselor. Sometimes kids need professional support to work through social anxiety.

Your son is lucky to have a parent who sees his struggle and wants to help. Keep the lines of communication open. Keep encouraging him to find his people through activities he enjoys. Keep reminding him that he’s worthy of friendship exactly as he is. He’ll find his way. It just might take a little time.

– Parent Teacher Conference